Wherever you are in the world may it be 5000 miles away from your family, in another state, or right at home in the South where I am. The holidays ring out loud in the streets of December and through the ‘nice’ children awaiting Santa. It doesn’t matter if you are in the snow, rain, or even the heat (like what we got here in the South). Your holidays and mine may differ or they may be exactly the same. In my household we celebrate Christmas. It is a very special holiday to me cause we come together all to celebrate this holiday. Family cooks, we come together. We talk, exchange gifts, laugh, eat, and it’s a good time. Coming back from college my first year I realized how grateful I am for everything.
I do miss my grandma’s pies and my momma cooking meals for me. I do miss being home in the city I love and seeing how beautiful it is decorated for the holiday. One thing I am most grateful for is family. I love my family so much. They show me so much support at school, they truly love me unconditionally. Over two years ago I lost my dad and this is the third Christmas without him this year. You can never plan for death to occur, it happens. You can wish and wish and wish for them to come back. You can shut yourself out and try to keep your emotions in. That’s what I have done the past two holidays. I have pretended to be okay and to be fine. This holiday I am not scared to admit that I wasn’t.
No I’m not doing anything dramatic, I was not a bum the whole Christmas day. I did stay out in the front and talked to my family the whole time. I felt okay with it being the third Christmas it doesn’t hit as hard. I will admit I did have a rough time in the morning when the holiday isn’t exactly how you imagine you can’t help but think of all the ones not with you today. Then I realized after that moment I was fine. I was only 16 years old when my dad first passed and that was very hard on me. Through time I have healed and my family has continued to love me and pick up the parts that fell off.
Oh Christmas! This holiday is known for Jesus’ birth, Christmas tree and lights, Santa, cheer, and gifts. It’s not the season if you aren’t watching ABC Family’s endless Christmas movie marathon, drinking eggnog, baking cookies, pies, and cakes. To me, this holiday, gifts didn’t mean that much because I had my family around me and loving on me. I hadn’t seen it until now. I realized that I did get something this holiday, an unexpected gift.
I got the gift of strength, acceptance, peace, and understanding. God has his times and his reasons for which we don’t always understand. This Christmas it was God speaking to my life but he used my father to get through to me to realize, understand, and accept that he served his purpose on earth. I have gained so much strength. The strength to write this article, to admit when I am not okay, and to live everyday. It did take me a while to write this article, to out my thoughts down but I’m so glad I did. I hope everyone reading this going through a hard time will understand that time is valuable and to trust in the Lord. When the porch light comes on, and the food is being put away at the end of the day I have found peace in my heart with my Father. That is something that took time and it is the gift that I couldn’t see under the tree but I got in my heart.